The sweetest flowers

Some, they know I bought a ticket for tomorrow.
There I go, have no chance now; am doing all I can, and nothing I do seems enough to me.
Who is she, what is she, what makes her so compelling to me?

I love her so much.

A day at the cinema

Well, so it's about time to talk about yesterday.
Which was, somehow, *the* day itself, in my entire life.

It started very early in the morning, after a not so easy night, a hard decision about how to dress (and all the subsequent nutty thoughts like "A bad dress could be the mistake of my life"), and a rush to the flower shop to fetch my preordered 27 red roses, and the long, white one.
Then, after some scary thinking, caught a train, and had some good time there.
You see, something we men usually underestimate it's the power of women's romanticism; I had hordes of women looking strangely at me, smiling, and showing loads of interest just because I was carrying so many roses and looking extremely "tight".
So they wanted to listen to my story; as always in the last 5 days, I happily told them; much to their disbelief, I may add.
I will not write everything here, because somehow, it now can't be made public anymore, now it seems to be part of my most inner self.

I can only write, and feel so much like writing it, that it was like being in a movie.
The waiters had reserved me (against the rules of the place, and even for free...) a table, and held my flowers, but I didn't go to the pre-ordered place at first, because she was waiting for me with a friend (Victorija) at another place.
Desperate but determinate (remember Hitch's definition of "perseverance"), I tried not to make mistakes like looking at her with a wide open mouth... until a woman had a epylectic crisis just 2 meters from us, and kept trembling and barfing.
I just thought "Oh, my...that's the end of the world as I know it"; then rushed to call the police.
In italian we say that "Not all the problems come to cause trouble"; never a proverb was truer: the crisis somehow gave us the "jumpstart" to leave the place, and to head where I had organized my suprise... and by "we", I mean "us 3", me, her and Victorija...
It didn't matter at all; I would've made my declaration in front of the entire city, at that time.
We went to the place where I hid the flowers and had the waiters keep me a place, only to find out that the part of the place where my table was had been closed.
For everybody but me!
We got to the table, and she was already kinda shocked (not to mention me, and to forget her friend who was just too flabbergasted to say anything); then all the drama came to an end, in a movie like way, first the 27 roses, then the white one, and then the poetry, everything in a unreal, supernatural cooperation in which everything went as smooth as silk, and to be honest, nothing had been prearranged; it was kinda like everybody, from me to the waiters to the girls of the customer care to everybody just played as great solists in a one-time-only wondrous performance.
I hoped to die then; there cannot be a happier instant than that, in a man's life; I know that for a fact.
And, to my disbelief, I found myself filled up with the idea that somehow, in a most strange way, in a unbelievable way, it was only too normal to have been waiting 27 years for something like that.

The rest is history, of which I don't know the ending, and I don't even know if it has any beginning at all.
"God, as the Devil, is spotted in the details", as the proverb goes, so I just don't put faith in this day despite all the "good signs" that happened and were given me; I've seen reality twist itself quickly many other times just to be able to "believe" it can be so straight, so wonderfully "right" just because you were so sincere and what you felt was so strong.
The only consolation, is that it had never been neither so strong, nor so sincere, in all the days I was here.

I just toast to the future, whatever it may be, and to a day in which dozens of people did voluntarily their best, from the sweetest friends to perfectly unknown people met the same morning, just to help this nutty italian chase his larger-than-life dream.

It still is a dream, I didn't have any courage to touch her, I still think, I still am thoroughly convinced, she can't be anything but unreal.
She would be just all too wonderful if she was real.

But still, me and dozens of people, had their "day at the cinema".
Perhaps that's just the meaning of it all.

Мир вам. Надежда мне. А любовь каму в любове верит.

Hitch (The cure for the common man)

Hitch is a very cool love comedy.
I discovered it at exactly the right time in my life, and surprisingly enough, I just happened to have some of the things from the movie happen, even before I watched it.
Call it chance, or luck.
Will never confess which though! :D

Woo-oo!

He tought me how...

Another day in this long row.
The meeting slipped to tomorrow, I have already ordered the necessary 28 roses, but am suffering so much today...
Burst into tears; no, didn't burst, simply, tears watered my eyes for no apparent reason, and then caressed my cheeks.
That's what happens when your secret emotional life demands it's share when you're trying to forget about it and just look forward to a wonderful albeit unreal future.

anyway, the first line goes on with a

...to wash fight and pray
and He tought me how
to live rejoicing, yes He did,
every day

That's a wonderful note, to learn to live rejoicing, every day.
How wonderful would be to learn to live with our pains and still find that there's still possibility, whatever little, to rejoice, to turn a rainy day into a warmer one.

Tempus fugit...

...And I'm waiting for "tomorrow".
I will tell about today (26 september) only *after* I meet Inna.
Simply put, this was *too* much of a crazy day.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Music for the moment is "Duet of Flowers" from Madame Butterfly.

Это для тебя, моя самая большая любовь

24 Settembre 2005

Как под лучами солнца, каплями дождя,
тем тëмными облаками между которыми сильно дуют ветры и взрывается молния,
Я останусь как удивлëнный ребëнок, мой взор туманится о тебе думая,
потому что ты вся моя природа,
моя ясная поляна,
ты такая единственная жизнь в которой Я хочу, мог бы, жить.


Un istante per farla nascere, una vita per aspettarla.
(an istant to see it born, my entire life to wait for it.)

The new day. A heck of a new day

I declared the biggest, deepest, most sincere and compelling love of my life, which I have kept secret (well, sort of...) for almost a year, which drove me as far as Ukraine in the hope to mend my heart.

Nothing will change, but the simple fact that you now know it, oh all too wonderful Inna, now that you know what you mean to me, well, I feel like everything's going to change.
No, I am not so bold as to hope that you'll ever come to me; I just feel so free now, and, if it was possible, I even love you still more, and I just don't feel my stomach doing hoola-hops whenevr a image of you enters my mind, or the memory of your sweet voice echoes in my ears from my abused memory...
Love you so much.

But the day didn't end like that.
Oh no...

Fearing the manic depression that can come after this pre-doomed declarations, I just headed for the first shop, bought vodka and orange juice, and then got back at university (?) to drink with a friend and bury pain before it's come, with the result of ending up totally, unrecoverably and pathetically drunk by 3', so much and with such a fuss that it will take a long time before I can ever get back there without feeling deadly embarassed.
It had to happen.

What can I do? I just love you so much.
Can't believe I really said this...

Nightswimming

When there's an empty sky, and although not so many stars, but the moon casts a wondrous spell on the water drawing in front of you a golden path towards infinity.
That happened to me yesterday, the light cast like a neverending dream connecting the sea to the moon itself, and around me it was just silence, and some sparse stars in the sky, and the scent of the sea flat as silk, its waters warm, softer than the air.

Nightswimming, deserves a quite night (R.E.M.)
And it takes the very perfect night to understand it; and all the others, they are just the time you sail through waiting for the next compelling, quiet night.

Another one (cousin) bit the (virtual) dust!

Yesterday (September 10, 2005), my cousin Andrea married his beloved Giada! and so he's left the sad consuming condition of bachelor to enter in the honeysh world of marriage (!) :D

We had a fatiguing but terrific day, having to look elegant for 11 hours in a row, fighting with Rome's traffic, and having the air conditioning system of the car aptly failing just two days ago; but we endured all the adversities, waiting for the dinner to come! ;-)

The wedding was very good and moving, in a wonderful church right in the center of Rome, and the bride, well, she was astoundingly beautiful, and well, half of the people present were my relatives, so 50% of the guests looked exageratedely cool... I guess we have to live with the fact we were the *other* half, the ugly ones... :-)

After the ceremony, we were basically stuffed with tons of food in a wonderful place in the very center of Rome, Palazzo Brancaccio, which is a marvel not to be believed if not seen; problem is that, well, a couple of us, namely *me* and Luca, we are still bachelors, and the husband and bride didn't think about inviting some promising prey to help us on our way to a similar day (they had mercy on us, maybe? :D
Me and Luca kept wondering around, until at 8' a Torino-Milano (a Martini based cocktail) got the best of me, and since then, to midnight, it was all downhill to me... :D

All of the best luck and happyness to the newly married and beloved!
(which they for sure need! Andrea, the husband, in a desperate attempt to reach the church on time, was "timed" at over 180km/h by the local police force, pulled over, and had his driving licence on the spot, but with lots of good wishes for the outcome of the marriage!)


Also, some pictures of the event:


Husband and bride in the church... his eyes already closed in despair!


And the Husband after some partying...


The author of this blog's entry, with Luca...


...also known as the Master Blaster of Aprilia Sud



Last, but not least, an unknown relative of the husband whose elegance shadowed everybody else.
A model from a fashion agency maybe?

The days orient of the sun

September has arrived, and has brought lots of news.
One of them, two days ago, was a little hurricane in my city, Latina, which did very moderate damage and luckily only caused some floodings and some fallen trees.
It also made me double my efforts in keeping the garden clean, because it has brought a havoc of leaves and broken boughs; a tree has also fallen on the road to our house, so we needed to clear up the mess, and that was tough... but at least, so much for house keeping.

Yesterday was a very special day, though; I went by chance at the university to talk with my tutor about my graduation thesis; after a great meeting with the tutor, I ended up meeting also, by chance, some of the most special people I've met in the last years.
Me and Daniele, Michele and Vincenzo spent a couple of hours talking about dreams of fleeing abroad, about career and the present, and basically, enjoied the company of sweet friendship and reciprocal, deep esteem in a rainy and cloudy day.
To me, it was a fantastic day, and it made me feel in such a good mood that on my way back home to my city I was speechless, but deeply happy; I wans't grinning, it was just my very soul feeling peace.
O well, thank you to all the people that stood with me.

I never cease being amazed at how quickly, and suddenly, you can realize valuable things in life; they live by your side, but you never ever take the time, or have the chance, to glance at them; then sometimes, they glow, and your attention caught, you are lost in wonder at the richness of life under your very, blind, sight.

It's raining again, o what a sweet melancholy.